In today's blog, I'd like to talk about understanding when a relationship is coming to an end and how to tell a friend you've outgrown them. And I'd like to share some thoughts about how to respectfully end a relationship.
As you start to get older, you begin to understand when a friendship is ending when the time you spend with that person is less enjoyable than it was in the past, you also notice that the friendship feels more forced.
Think about the times you had effortless conversations and would easily laugh together over anything. How you enjoyed or even looked forward to sharing time with that person. Now, you think about legitimate excuses not to get together with this person. You say things like, I'd love to see you on Thursday, but I have an appointment I can't move, let's look at next week. You keep pushing dates until it becomes uncomfortable, and you inevitably cave in and accept a specific date on the calendar. You've reached the first sign things are moving in a different direction.
As you start to get older, you begin to understand when a friendship is ending when the time you spend with that person is less enjoyable than it was in the past, you also notice that the friendship feels more forced.
Think about the times you had effortless conversations and would easily laugh together over anything. How you enjoyed or even looked forward to sharing time with that person. Now, you think about legitimate excuses not to get together with this person. You say things like, I'd love to see you on Thursday, but I have an appointment I can't move, let's look at next week. You keep pushing dates until it becomes uncomfortable, and you inevitably cave in and accept a specific date on the calendar. You've reached the first sign things are moving in a different direction.
The second sign is when you're sitting down with them and talking, and you start to recognize that they have a different view on life then you do. It could be something as polarizing as politics or as simple as views on love and relationships. Most of the time you can deal with a different perception or point of view, but lately, it is getting more and more uncomfortable. As you start to review the conversations you've had with them in your head, you begin to see that your core values have shifted, and their's may or may not have stayed the same. Either way, you realize that this is not someone you want to continue to spend time with.
As time moves on, you tend to go into the third phase of ending this relationship. At this point, you start to notice that you are holding back information or thoughts from this person, solely to protect yourself from criticism or an argument.
You are no longer prepared to continue perpetuating a relationship with someone you don't want to spend time with anymore. What to do? How do you tell a friend you've outgrown them? My advice is that you don't make a plan for it. You will eventually have to consider being with the emotion of leaving this person. Be with the pain and discomfort of loss or potential hurt you might inflict. Energetically let this person know you care for them and wish them the best, but you also need to move on and grow in your way.
I can share with you that I had a friendship for over 30 years with a college buddy that ended in our early 50s. I was moving into a more quantum realm of thinking, and he was still a victim of his life. I wanted and did take responsibility for the life that I had created, and he was blaming others for his misfortune. The more we spoke, the less I liked what I was hearing. I could feel the rift between us, even though we didn't argue or fight.
One day about two years after I was feeling a separation coming, he came over for a visit. We were sitting on my porch talking, and he asked me a question about what to do next. I answered him with my most truthful answer, and he looked at me and said, Fuck You! I remember sitting there thinking wow, this is what this is coming down to. My best friend was rejecting me and my thoughts, and with such anger.
After about a few seconds had passed, he paused and said he was sorry. I said it was ok and got up and motioned that the visit was over. We both knew that we were no longer an energetic match for each other.
As time moves on, you tend to go into the third phase of ending this relationship. At this point, you start to notice that you are holding back information or thoughts from this person, solely to protect yourself from criticism or an argument.
You are no longer prepared to continue perpetuating a relationship with someone you don't want to spend time with anymore. What to do? How do you tell a friend you've outgrown them? My advice is that you don't make a plan for it. You will eventually have to consider being with the emotion of leaving this person. Be with the pain and discomfort of loss or potential hurt you might inflict. Energetically let this person know you care for them and wish them the best, but you also need to move on and grow in your way.
I can share with you that I had a friendship for over 30 years with a college buddy that ended in our early 50s. I was moving into a more quantum realm of thinking, and he was still a victim of his life. I wanted and did take responsibility for the life that I had created, and he was blaming others for his misfortune. The more we spoke, the less I liked what I was hearing. I could feel the rift between us, even though we didn't argue or fight.
One day about two years after I was feeling a separation coming, he came over for a visit. We were sitting on my porch talking, and he asked me a question about what to do next. I answered him with my most truthful answer, and he looked at me and said, Fuck You! I remember sitting there thinking wow, this is what this is coming down to. My best friend was rejecting me and my thoughts, and with such anger.
After about a few seconds had passed, he paused and said he was sorry. I said it was ok and got up and motioned that the visit was over. We both knew that we were no longer an energetic match for each other.
That was about four years ago, and we haven't spoken since. I didn't have to do anything to reject him or our friendship. I was just with my feelings about it, and the rest took care of itself.
That is the power we all have.
That is the power we all have.
