Once upon a time, there this little boy and a little girl who shared a 1st-grade class, and they lived happily ever after. Well, all of this is true, but it hardly tells the story of how I met and married my wife of 19 years.
Let's start at the beginning. I did meet my future wife in the 1st-grade at St. John Brebeuf elementary school in Niles. I was the first kid in the classroom that first day of school back in 1972. A girl walked into the room with about ten other children, and when I saw her, I knew I wanted to be friends with her. She stood out to me so quickly that it wasn't even a thought. It was just a knowing.
As the years went by, we became good friends, and in the 3rd grade, Lisa asked me if I knew one of our classmates named Danny. I said, yes I do, why? She said, ask if you can go to his house and play after school. Again, I asked why? She said because he is my next-door neighbor. It hit me right then and there that she wanted to have me over to play but came up with a less direct way to make that happen.

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As our relationship would grow, I would realize that this was a harbinger of our friendship. Lisa was a take-charge girl and became a take-charge woman. I would learn that she was also the most compassionate person I would ever know.

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Lisa and I would spend a lot of time together over the years until I reached the 6th grade. The summer before I moved from Niles to Orland Park was a mixed set of emotions. I was very excited to move to a new home and a new city, but I was also sad that I would be leaving my friends in Niles. That summer, I wrote a letter to Lisa on my mother's Holly Hobbie notepad and expressed my deepest feelings for her. Now, this was back in 1977, and Holly Hobbie was a big thing, just not for boys...
I would stay in touch with Lisa via the telephone, and we would talk probably every other month. I loved talking with her because she always laughed at my jokes and impersonations. One of our favorites was when I would imitate Andy Griffith doing his Ritz cracker commercial.
I'd take my Southern accent and say, Nothing tastes better than when it is sitting on a Ritz, MMMah. Lisa would laugh and say, do it again! Little did I know that this request would be a mantra for her the rest of our time together.

These phone conversations would last for many years, but it ended around my Jr. year of High School. Both of us had busy lives and other friends we were spending time with. I do, however, remember driving out to Niles in my customized 1973 Olds Cutlass S to see her.

I did not make plans to go to her house but decided last minute to stop by and see if she was around. When I pulled up in her driveway, I saw her family out on the back porch. She had an older sister, Karen, who was out there with her mother, and they told me that Lisa was out with friends. I said thanks and told them just to tell her I stopped by. That was the last time I would be at Lisa's house in Niles for about ten years.
So, now it is ten years later and we're both 27 years old. I was working and had a sales call close to Niles. I remember I was driving through the neighborhood and I heard a voice say to me, stop by Lisa's house and see if she is there. I can tell you back then I didn't hear voices often and I sure didn't take them seriously if I did. But something made me stop and take notice on that day. I remember thinking to myself, she's 27 and probably married with a couple of kids. There is no way she lives at her house with her parents. I didn't even know if her parents still lived there. But, I decided to try, and I stop by her childhood home and I was Just sitting in my car looking at her house. I put the car in park and thought, what the hell am I doing. I put the car in drive and was about to pull away when I saw a car coming down the street and turn into the driveway of Lisa's house. I thought, well I'm here, and that person in the car can answer my questions about Lisa. So I walked up the driveway and saw this beautiful woman get out of the car, and my first thought was, please don't be Karen (her sister).
As it turned out it was Lisa and she was temporarily staying with her family as she had just finished her graduate work in psychotherapy at Loyola University in Chicago. She was taking a new job and had been looking for an apartment. We talked for several hours, and I missed my sales meeting happily. As we were saying goodbye, I started to walk out the front door, and Lisa stopped me and asked, would you like to go out to dinner? I was like, yes, that would be great. I was in such a daze and happy to be with her that I forgot about asking her out. Again, Lisa was the one to take charge.
We dated for a couple of years, and I had such a great connection with her, but it was obvious we were two very independent people. We would try to accommodate each other and our different perspectives, but in the end, we both had more personal growth to do. We ended our relationship when Lisa decided to take a job in Pennsylvania and move.
The next couple of years were some huge growth years for me. I was advancing in my sales career and living in the City of Chicago. I was able to purchase a condo in a new and up and coming section of Chicago called River North. It was exciting for me, and I had a whole new life filled with friends from different parts of the U.S. and other countries too. I was starting to feel connected to my accomplishments, as well as my capabilities. But one thing was still alluding me. I was dating but had not yet found the person that I felt 100% comfortable with yet.
During this time, my mother was diagnosed with Cancer. She had decided to moved from her small suburban town to Chicago when she seen how much I loved living in the city. Her dream was to be downtown, and she made it happen. We got to spend a lot of time together in the few years she lived in city with me. Unfortunately, her cancer got worse, and she passed. I was out of town on business when I got the news that my mother had passed away. I was devastated, but the moment I got the call, I immediately thought of Lisa. I had no idea who she was dating or what she was doing at that moment, but on that fateful night, I didn't care. I wanted to talk with her and have her be a part of my grief. Gratefully she took my call, and she stayed on the phone with me from Midnight until 6 am the next morning before I could get on a flight back home. I will never forget her compassion and love and how she just supported me unconditionally. I had never felt that deep kind of connection in my entire life.
You can probably already guess that Lisa and I re-started our friendship, and she soon moved back to Chicago. After about a year of dating, we decided that we would live together and get a better feeling for the commitment we wanted to make to our relationship. One interesting request Lisa made was asking me to participate in couples therapy while we were living together. At first, this sounded strange to me, as we were getting along great and committed to our relationship. However, I did respect her knowledge in the area of psychology, combined with the idea of us working on our communication skills with each other, seemed right to me.
Lisa and I worked with a woman who had a maternal influence on both of us and helped us breakdown barriers of trust and intimacy. I had no idea how afraid I was of giving myself to someone and being vulnerable. In some ways, I'm still working on this. I highly recommend to anyone that you find a good therapist and do meaningful work with your partner to strengthen your bond in trust and empathy. It is fun, and when the two of you are both invested in it and can be life-changing.
A year later, we were married. It was in October of 2001, and it only took 28 years for us to get there. Oh, and that letter I sent to Lisa in 1977, her mother actually saved it, and we used it as our wedding invitation.
Lisa and I worked with a woman who had a maternal influence on both of us and helped us breakdown barriers of trust and intimacy. I had no idea how afraid I was of giving myself to someone and being vulnerable. In some ways, I'm still working on this. I highly recommend to anyone that you find a good therapist and do meaningful work with your partner to strengthen your bond in trust and empathy. It is fun, and when the two of you are both invested in it and can be life-changing.
A year later, we were married. It was in October of 2001, and it only took 28 years for us to get there. Oh, and that letter I sent to Lisa in 1977, her mother actually saved it, and we used it as our wedding invitation.

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As of today's blog, Lisa and I have officially been together for 19 years, but I know in my heart that we have always been together. I'm grateful to be with someone as loving and kind as she is but most importantly, I have and will always really like her.
If you're reading this blog and looking for that perfect partner, I hope I have helped you identify what type of person you'd like to spend time with. Remember, it is a knowing and a feeling. If you have to make that person fit into your life, you may want to take a step back and release the expectations you have. Trust in the universe that all things will indeed work out for you.

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I also want to add that even though this is a true fairy tale romance in my mind, it still took a lot of personal growth for Lisa and me to get together. As partners, we have learned to work on our own emotional expansion independently as well as together. We make a point to sit down and talk each morning over a cup of coffee and we try to go outside for a walk at least five times a week.
My point here is that love is wonderful and amazing but it doesn't hold a candle to a true friendship.
My hope is that you have or find that perfect partner in life!
My point here is that love is wonderful and amazing but it doesn't hold a candle to a true friendship.
My hope is that you have or find that perfect partner in life!