Finding Your True Self
Did you ever stop and wonder if you are being your true self? Have you ever asked yourself, "who am I?" Did you get so caught up in what people thought or said about you over the years that you'd do almost anything to just fit in? No, me neither. Just kidding, I have felt that pressure in one form or another for about the past 44 years.
When I was in grade school, I distinctively remember a point in time where you didn't consider what clothes you wore, as long as they were comfortable, and you didn't judge others by their clothes either. You either enjoyed being around someone, or you didn't. That all changed around 7th and 8th grade and never stopped. Haircuts became important. Personal grooming and hygiene were a thing now. It all starts to hit you in a meaningful way, that you are now in a space and time where people are evaluating you purely on the way you look and the things that you own.
When I was in grade school, I distinctively remember a point in time where you didn't consider what clothes you wore, as long as they were comfortable, and you didn't judge others by their clothes either. You either enjoyed being around someone, or you didn't. That all changed around 7th and 8th grade and never stopped. Haircuts became important. Personal grooming and hygiene were a thing now. It all starts to hit you in a meaningful way, that you are now in a space and time where people are evaluating you purely on the way you look and the things that you own.
I know this isn't news to anyone, but there is something important here to consider. How aware of this turning point had you been? And how did you react? I can look back and note that I was impacted deeply, as I just wanted to fit in with the crowd.
I didn't want to be identified as different or weird.
I know I modified my behavior a bit so that I would not be someone's target. This approach worked well for me over the years until it didn't. As I started to get older and more mature, I started listening to some of my friends and not liking what I heard. I started listening to family members and didn't enjoy their specific points of view. I could no longer pretend to be interested in those individuals or what they had to say. I had to choose to accept their points of view, or I had to end the relationship. I chose the latter.
How Do I tell People I love, Goodbye?
I used to think that ending a relationship had to be planned out and that I needed to justify to that person why it was over for me. As I soon found out, you don't. As long as I stayed out of judgment of the people I no longer wanted to spend time with and just observed how I felt around them, things would take care of themselves.
Here is a real-life example: I had a friend for over 30 years, and at the end of that relationship, I started to feel less and less like hanging out with him. There were no big moments or drama, just little pervasive moments that told me we were no longer on the same page. We were both growing in different directions. I still had a great love for him but needed to move on. I subscribed to the idea that I would let go of the need to explain why I didn't want to hang out anymore and just emotionally let go. Within months I no longer got phone calls from him. My birthday came and went by, and he did not contact me. A year passed, and it was the same. He just let go, like me, and all was good.
I started to employ this methodology with acquaintances, co-workers, and last but not least, family. You can't read a 5 step plan to do this, and you will not be able to explain how this works, but it does. There is shared energy that is here for you and created by you to help in the process of release. All you have to do is believe it.
3 Steps To Better Understand Who You Are
You Can't Be All Things To All People
As I stated earlier in this blog, finding out who you are, has everything to do with understanding who you want to share your life with. When you are not trying to have friendships with everyone you meet and not trying to curry favor with strangers, you start to get a sense of who you are. You become more discerning with your company. At this point, you will soon learn that you know what you like and what you don't prefer.
Please, stick with me here for a minute. When you go out and buy a new outfit, what do you thinking about? How comfortable it is, or how it makes you look? Your sense of self will be answered when you consider that question. I start with clothes because it is easier to talk about than friends or family. If I asked you the same question regarding a close friend or family member, it becomes a little more intense. But let's try it and see how it feels for you.
Please, stick with me here for a minute. When you go out and buy a new outfit, what do you thinking about? How comfortable it is, or how it makes you look? Your sense of self will be answered when you consider that question. I start with clothes because it is easier to talk about than friends or family. If I asked you the same question regarding a close friend or family member, it becomes a little more intense. But let's try it and see how it feels for you.
Here is an example: One day you get an invitation in the mail, and you are asked to come to your nephew's birthday party. The first thing you think of is how do I come up with an excuse not to come. You know that you are not in alignment with your brother's ideology and that of his extended family members. You do love him and want to support his family, but it is really uncomfortable for you to spend any time at his house and with his in-laws, and more importantly, him. Do you want to go? Your first and immediate answer is the right one. But, you'll try to justify all your feelings of guilt and how it will be perceived by your brother and all the other family members if you don't go.
Here is the truth of the matter. Your family won't care if you come or don't. Oh yes, they'll talk about you for maybe two minutes, and then they'll move on and talk about the Bears or the Cubs. You'll be that guy or gal that is a pain in the ass and not part of the group, nothing more and nothing less. Meanwhile, you have just confronted a huge fear of yours and have made a major move toward your personal growth. You decided who you are and what you desire. What is that worth to you?
Becoming Who You Are Is All About What You Choose
When I consider maturity, I don't think in terms of years lived. I think of emotional strength. When you are in a place in life where the thoughts of others have no impact on you, I believe you can achieve whatever it is that you want. Knowing who you are aids in this confidence and also helps direct you to have a clear understanding of what you want and who you want to include in your adventure. The fact that you started out asking yourself the question, who am I? Leads me to believe that you are doing just fine. Keep asking yourself, do I want to do this? How does this make me feel?
More to come.
More to come.
